A Look At PVED In 2012

Did you know we are the largest private community online?

Did you know that PVED assisted over 9,000 intended parents and parents in 2012 with clinic and agency referrals, mental health referrals, legal referrals and other industry professional referrals?

Did you know we answered over 18,000 pieces of email and messages in our private forum in 2012?

Did you know we answered over 1,000 telephone calls in 2012?

Did you know PVED assisted with over 30 embryo donation matches?

Did you know that PVED sent out over 350 quilts and 350 books to new parents?

Did you know that PVED is launching a brand new interactive website with three new information packed sections for our community members?

Did you know that PVED is still a free educational and support service accessible to its members 24/7 365 days out of the year?

We need your help -- 5, 10, 25, 50, or more whatever you feel you can give -- this money helps us do things like:

Keep the lights on, the internet on, the website supported, books, quilts, postage, literature, PVED meetups,  and helps us meet our payroll.

Every little bit helps -- all of you could give just ten dollars that would translate into a whole lot of money!

Give today -- we love helping you all!!

www.pved.org click on donate at the end of the page.  Or write a check and mail to:

PVED
Box 597
Scappoose, OR 97056

Parents Via Egg Donation's Take on Insider's Guide To Egg Donation

Many many years ago when I was first embarking upon having a child through egg donation I was just plain overwhelmed and scared.  I didn’t know where to begin and I found myself just flailing in my search.  There was one book out there that frankly was so dry and scary that I found myself more frustrated than ever.

Over the years since PVED’s inception we’ve helped many many intended parents and parents alike through their journey to become Mom’s and Dad’s.  However, we knew hands down there wasn’t a book published that could offer an intended parent a good firm start on something so extraordinary and often complicated.

Until now.

It’s about time that we now have a book on the market that explains all about egg donation in a way that doesn’t seem scary, freak us out, or cause our brains to explode from way too much information!

I can finally refer all of my intended parents to the Insider’s Guide to Egg Donation by Wendie Wilson-Miller and Erika Napolentano.  This book is clear.  It’s concise.  It’s unbiased. 

There are hints, suggestions, checklists, and they even highlight segments that allow you the reader to go back over those parts that are most important to you for each section.

What I love the most about any book are the real life stories, letters, and comments that are shared throughout any book and this book has them all!

Aside from this being a warm book, it’s accurate, up to date, and not overly complicated.  It’s simple, to the point, and really if this is the only book you find to read on egg donation this is the book for you as I guarantee you will walk away from this book and understand the egg donation process from A to Z.

The nerdy part of me has to mention that the appendix and the glossary are amazing features.  I have mine on my Ipad and refer to it regularly in my daily job talking to thousands of intended parents yearly who are just embarking on egg donation.

This book is a fantastic guide and I think will help support many many intended parents and parents for many years!

Great work ladies – you have so much to be proud of.  What an fabulous contribution to the world of third party reproduction! 

We at Parents Via Egg Donation are extremely happy and proud of the work you have accomplished.

PVED SURVEY DESCRIBES LANGUAGE OF DONOR CONCEPTION

A recent survey of parents via ovum, sperm and embryo donation conducted by Britta Dinsmore, Ph.D. and Carole LieberWilkins, M.F.T. has yielded responses indicating family preferences when using language about donor conception.

204 respondents answered questions about how they refer to the person who contributed gametes to help them create their families.  The survey also asked how parents refer to the children being parented by donors, as well as the children that may have been created through the donor’s contribution to other recipients.

The majority of respondents were partnered.

• 34 were single. 
• 2 respondents were gay/lesbian; the remainder was heterosexual. 
• 163 conceived their children through ovum donation alone.
• 24 with the help of both donor sperm and donor eggs.
• 13 received donated embryos.
• 4 received donor sperm alone. 
• 5 respondents indicated their children were born through surrogacy.
• The remaining majority carried their own pregnancies.

In response to the question:   By what term do you refer to the people who contributed eggs, sperm, or embryos to you?

• 76% stated that they refer to the genetic contributor as “donor”, “our donor”, or “egg/sperm donor”.
• 3 respondents refer to donors by their first names.
• 1 calls the donor a “helper.” 
• 2 call the (family) donor “aunt” or “uncle.”
• 5 people sometimes refer to the donor as the “genetic mother,” “genetic father,” “genetic parents,” or “genetic contributors.”

The survey asked how parents refer to the children being parented by the donor. 

• 44% said they call these children the “donor’s children”.
• 10% refer to the children as “half siblings”.
• 7% call them by their names.
• The remainder fell into the categories of “genetic half siblings”, “bio sibs”, or those who did not know whether or not the donors had children. 

The survey also asked how parents refer to those children that may have been created by the donor’s contributions to other parents.

• 7% refer to these children as “half siblings” or “half siblings.”
• 5% refer to them as “genetic siblings” or “biological siblings,”
• 5% refer to them as “other children” and
• 5% are unsure (either hadn’t thought about it yet or didn’t know if their donor had contributed to others).  The remaining responses were divided among “genetic half siblings,” “donor sibling,” or “donor half sibling.” 

The issue of language referring to both social families and genetic families is an ongoing discussion among professionals in the field of reproductive medicine, and more importantly, those of us living with the duality of being family without genetic links.    This preliminary survey confirms that genetic contributors are overwhelmingly referred to as donors and not with vernacular referring to parenthood. 

Who Are The Infertile?

I read this week another sensationalism piece about egg donation. It's clear the author didn't do his homework (is that a surprise?), had he done his homework and actually talked to real patients who undergo treatment through egg donation he might have written an entirely different article.

Articles like the one above used to really make me angry but now my reaction is a roll of the eyes as I mutter "whatever" under my breath as I go on about my day. To be honest, I am not sure which is worse and less productive -- being angry or apathetic. Regardless it's clear the media doesn't have a clear idea who we are, what we endure, or what we want. And so they just write whatever to sell papers, articles, and advertising.

The industry is partly to blame because they really don't know who we are, what we endure, or what as patients we need or want. If you look at RESOLVE the faces on resolve are so serious and somewhat sad. Then there is ASRM -- most of what you see on ASRM's site mostly revolves around menopausal women -- and then add The American Fertility Association into the mix, as well as INCIID, and even PVED, and you now have four other organizations all representing different things.

Now that in itself isn't a bad thing -- I think different organizations portraying different types of patients are clearly showing that infertility doesn't affect just one group of people, we are a huge melting pot after all, and infertility is an equal opportunity disease. What I am meaning is that the message coming from each of these organizations isn't the same -- and I feel strongly that we as a collective need to have a summit of sorts and agree on one core message that we are wanting to say and then say it. A launching pad of sorts I guess.

I had this really great discussion with Dr. Evelina Sterling, PhD about the above article and other sensationalistic articles and books about infertility that have been written over the past two - three years and Dr. Sterling reminded me what the Breast Cancer folks did regarding their message.

The media had covered Breast Cancer for years and the message they portrayed was horrible. It was negative, down trodden, sad, and for the longest time if you uttered the words "breast cancer" the immediate thought was "death sentence". The Breast Cancer folks decided they'd had enough and banded together to present a unified message of who their patients were, what treatment options there were, that breast cancer was not an automatic death sentence, that patients due survive and they survive quite nicely and often come back strong, and sometimes stronger than before. They made an effort to develop relationships with the media to get their message out. And now that message is out and the stuff we now see in the media about Breast Cancer is what? Positive, strong, empowering, educational. It's not sensationalism at all. And why?

Because it's not tolerated, that's why.

And the same should be said and done for those of us struggling with infertility. We need to band together and say "Okay, we are no longer to buy into or ascribe to the ridiculous pieces the media chooses to write because the media is ill informed. We are going to educate the media so they really know what they write about. We are going to form relationships with the media and help them learn about what we go through. And then and only then will we be represented fairly."

Parents Via Egg Donation (PVED) is putting a call out to all parents and parents to be who would like to serve as an advisor on the PVED Advisory Board as a "Consumer Advisor". We are looking for individuals who have no professional ties or affiliation with the Infertility or Third Party Reproductive industry who are either attempting to be or are parents via egg donation.

If you are interested in hearing more about an advisory position and what that would entail please email: marna@pved.org or call PVED at 503.987.1433

Parents Via Egg Donation is a 501c3 Organization that was created to provide an informational and supportive environment where parents and parents-to-be can learn and share information about all facets of the egg donation process. Our mission is to educate, support, and empower families and individuals at any stage of the process who choose to use egg donation to build a family. We share information about agencies, legal and medical professionals, treatment centers, mental health therapists, pharmaceutical companies, and other resources.


Marna Gatlin
Parents Via Egg Donation
503.987.1433
marna@parentsviaeggdonation.org

http://pved.org
"Where ever you are in the process there is always a place in our community for you"

What PVED Does In A Month...

I get asked a lot "What exactly do you do? You are always so busy, either on the phone, answering emails or talking to clinics or agencies.

Here's what I did in the month of October:

We reached out and answered about 350 telephone calls regarding clinics, agencies, protocols, donor related questions, about the egg donation process.

We followed 19 pregnant women, called performing well checks, and we welcomed 5 babies into the fold!

We read and responded to over 1000 forum messages, and are you ready for this:

We responded to over 3800 individual emails for the month from Mom's and Dad's all over the globe who were needing support, information, and help regarding egg donation!

My day typically begins between five and six in the morning when the East Coast calls begin to roll in, I bring my email up to see what's filtered in from across the pond overnight, check our forum, put out any fires, and continue on with my day planning, or completing various PVED projects.

I may speak to a clinic or an agency in the morning, and tucked in between clinic conversations are emails, calls from parents, and I may throw together dinner in the crock pot or throw a load of laundry in the washer (I do work from home after all), or attend a telephone conference.

Afternoons are almost always reserved for meetings and conversations with parents, - as that's when folks usually either make time on their lunch to call, or the East Coast is getting home from work, in the privacy of their own homes and may need help with or encouragement with egg donor selection.

I take a few hours off in the early evening to spend time with my family catching up, running errands, and having dinner --and oh yes, putting away the laundry from earlier in my day. Once the family is settled for the night I begin to return the many emails and forum messages from the day, sometimes I even make a few telephone calls across the pond to our friends in Europe who are just getting up as my day is ending.

And then I go to bed and get up the next day and do it all again. And yes, I love what I am doing, I can't imagine doing anything else -- some months are busier than others -- October was a fairly typical month.

Why PVED Is So Choosy About Who Comes and Goes...

I have had some pretty interesting conversations with a handful of individuals who are not really happy that our forum is private. That it's not open like other trying to conceive boards.

The PVED message boards are private support community only open to parents and parents-to-be who have been, or are attempting to become, parents through egg donation. For some this is one of the few places members can come to openly share about their hopes, desires, concerns, and fears revolving around egg donation. Because this is a closed community, members can communicate freely, safely, securely, and openly with each other without the worry of unwanted visitors.

The community NOT for agencies to advertise, psychologists or social workers to advertise, nurses, physicians, or any other kind of health care professional who are not attempting to become mothers through egg donation.

The community is NOT for egg donors.

For our member’s protection anyone wanting access is required to complete and All fill out and return this form to our membership committee.

From time to time I hear squawking -- but typically our members are really thankful that we go to the lengths we do to preserve their privacy.

We verify each member by calling them and talking to the individual seeking admittance. If they are away from their phone's we simply leave a message with our number to call back.

The other day when I answered the phone it was a recipient dad who called and he said "Wow this is a real person" -- That made me laugh. And I explained that yes I was real. He then thanked me for being so diligent about protecting he and his partner's privacy.

We are asked from time to time why we insist on being extraordinarily thorough regarding the application process, and our reasons for this are simple. This is a private community that offers support, education, and the issues discussed on these forums are often of sensitive nature. We do not allow anyone from the media on our list, nor do we allow egg donors, Reproductive Endocrinologists, Agency Owners, Clinic Nurses, or anyone else we don’t feel belongs and isn’t here for the right reasons.

Because we have people from all walks of life -- being a private community works best for us.

If you are interested in joining our community feel free to contact:

marna@pved.org

Should Celebrities and Public Figures “Out” Themselves Just Because They Choose Donor Egg?

And while I am on a roll today --

I have been involved in a very animated and ongoing discussion about celebrities and public figures that may or may not used a donor egg to create or grow their families. The conversation has revolved around the topic of disclosure and should they step forward and speak up about their reproductive choices (i.e. – if they used donor egg or their own egg) because they are celebrities or public figures.

My opinion (for what it’s worth) is that they should not have to step forward and “out” themselves anymore than any other woman who chooses this route to create or grow their family. I can’t tell you how many women have come across my path who absolutely are not disclosing to their families, friends, or even the children born from donor egg for a myriad of reasons. Some of those reasons are religious, cultural, personal, familial, or out of fear. But whatever the reasons they need to be respected.

I am not sure why our society feels that because an individual should choose a job such as an entertainer, a public servant, or any other position that puts him or her in the public light that we feel entitled to know everything there is to know about his or her medical history, or medical choices or really anything about them for that matter.

The argument I hear all.the.time – which is maddening -- “They (celebrities or public figures) could be a great public service announcement for all of us who have waited too long to start a family. Think of the millions of women each year they could reach if they would ONLY fess up to using an egg donor to have a child.”

Okay – now hang on a second. Exactly whose responsibility is it to advocate and care for your health? Reproductively or otherwise? Is it the movie star’s or the singers? How about the Congress woman’s? No, it’s YOURs – it’s your job to ask those questions about your fertility, and when your fertility declines. It’s not up to a celebrity or a public figure to educate the masses. Unless they choose to.

Without sounding too much like Margo Thomas and her I’m Okay You’re Okay stuff – I do want to say that celebrities and public figures are people to. They have a right to their privacy just like you and me – and if we were “outed” against our will, or felt pressed to out ourselves, you can imagine how loud the protests would be about not respecting other people’s privacy.