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This is the last of an ongoing three part series whereby I defend my
family planning choices, and thus my children, against misguided perceptions,
disparaging comments, and a threat to other families whose reproductive rights
are being called into question. For
those of you who have been following, you know that my first installment
defended my family against comments made by the general public in response to
the building of a new infertility clinic in one Illinois suburb. And my second challenged the study findings
of Elizabeth Marquardt, the editor of FamilyScholars.org and vice president for
family studies and the director of the Center for Marriage and Families at the
Institute for American Values. Well, Mrs.
Marquardt is back at it. She also has a
few accomplices in her crusade, Jennifer Lahl, president of the Center for
Bioethics and Culture in California, and David Prentice, a professor with the
Christian faith-based organization, Family Research Group. As you may have guessed by the last gentleman’s
credentials, this piece will strive to defend third party reproduction against their
arguments, some of which include religious perspective. (No sense in ending on a light note, eh?!)
*Before continuing, I
want to make it perfectly clear that
I am not attacking nor attempting to discredit any religious doctrine,
perspectives, or rituals. I am not a
student of the Bible and am unqualified to speak in specifics or to quote
scripture. I am merely responding to
accusations and allegations that third party reproduction violates Christian
sensibilities.
To review where we
last left off with Mrs. Marquardt, she pioneered a questionnaire style study
comparing the psychological experiences and overall satisfaction scores between
donor offspring, adoptees, and bio-raised adults. In her 140 page document, (http://www.familyscholars.org/assets/Donor_FINAL.pdf) she dances around the final data and statistical
analysis, substituting conjecture and devoting a disproportionately large
portion focusing on the few negative responses received. If you recall, in the end she could only
report a 3% upbringing and family dynamic dissatisfaction rate among the donor
offspring respondents. Yes, that
translates to a 97% approval rate among the donor offspring respondents, which
she glosses over and fails to illuminate in her conclusions and discussions. I guess the 140 pages of rhetoric were indeed
necessary to bury an impressive outcome like that.
This time Mrs.
Marquardt is taking on the issue of surrogacy.
Mrs. Marquardt asserts, “As mothers ourselves, we reject the
exploitation and commodification of women's bodies happening right now in the
U.S. and around the world.” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elizabeth-marquardt/surrogate-motherhood-_b_2024435.html) Yet, when referring
to the particular court case cited here, we see that she employs her usual
deception by omission tactic by highlighting one very bizarre case and
presenting it as the norm within third party reproductive practices. The biological mother discussed in the cited
article was, by her own admission, neither exploited nor treated as a paid
commodity for her participation in the scenario. This woman alleges that she entered into a
pregnancy agreement with a “good friend” with the understanding that they would
co-parent the child; though she admits she did not even know this “good friend”
well enough to know he is homosexual with a life partner. That’s not the only suspicious part of this
story. Why would she agree to conceive
with donor eggs despite a lack of an infertility diagnosis if she truly
believed she would be co-parenting her own child and retaining 50% of parental
rights? And who paid for the extremely
expensive acquisition of donor eggs and subsequent in vitro fertilization (IVF)
procedure? She also entered this
purported agreement without a legal contract.
And although, as Mrs. Marquardt points out, “in Texas, as in all states,
the birth mother is the legal mother, even if donor eggs were used, so long as
there is not a valid surrogacy contract” this woman lost primary custody of the
twins. What’s more, the father was
granted a restraining order against the plaintiff, and she is allowed “just two
hours daily supervised visitation. The door must remain open, she cannot bring
a friend to help her hold the twins, and she is not allowed to breast feed --
she is not even allowed to take their picture.”
To clarify, the law is on the side of the plaintiff. However, she has severe legal injunctions placed upon her and her parental rights. What is Mrs. Marquardt not telling us
here? Is this the best example she could
muster to make her case: a woman who naively, or so she claims, enters into a
pregnancy agreement without legal representation and who has been deemed unfit
by the courts to even be alone with the children? No, it’s the only one she could find, thus
she had to use it and again, gloss over the obvious. There’s no third party controversy here, just
insanity. And I assure you, this is not
the norm.
As mentioned above,
Mrs. Marquardt is not the only opponent of reproductive technology. In February, researchers from Christian
groups, as well as other family advocacy and women’s groups, gave presentations
to the Senate health committee claiming that commercial surrogacy exploits and
endangers women. (http://cjonline.com/news/2013-02-20/topeka-sperm-donor-mentioned-senate-hearing) Here, we see
the same concepts being alleged; particularly that third party reproduction
treats women and babies as commodities.
David Prentice states that third party reproduction has led to “areas of
ethical concern and to cavalier views of nascent human life and of women,
including stockpiling of 'excess' human embryos, and instrumental use of women
for buying of their eggs or use of their wombs as surrogates." I believe I adequately addressed the
reimbursement issue for time, effort, and discomfort involved in assisted
reproduction in the first installment of this blog series. Mr. Prentice addressed the Senate health
committee on behalf of his Christian-based group, while the committee also
heard from Dana John Onifer who questions whether in vitro fertilization (IVF)
is “good, right and Christ-honoring treatment”.
Thus, I’d like to briefly address my perspective regarding religious
scrutiny of third party reproduction.
First, I am curious as
to why it is assumed that gamete donors and/or gestational surrogates are in
exploited relationships with intended parents.
As discussed in my first blog under this title, the inclusion criteria
is extremely difficult to meet and the duration of the process alone offers
more than ample opportunity to annul the agreement. I can understand how an outside observer may
view this transaction as simply that, a business transaction. But to both the intended parents and the
donor, be it of gametes or womb, this is not the case at all. Donating gametes or gestational services is
the utmost in human compassion; it is a supremely selfless act of giving of
oneself to another less fortunate; it is more than just a life saving event, it
is a life giving one. And often times
the donor or surrogate is a dear friend or even a family member who requests no
reimbursement what-so-ever. This level
of altruism is not consistent with Christian principles? Jesus would object to reaching out to one
another in such a manner? The basic
dynamics of any donation situation dictates that one party is the giver and the
other the taker; that doesn’t mean the recipient is taking advantage. And if religious groups still insist on
assuming a negative perspective, isn’t it possible that donors and surrogates
are exploiting the intended parents, that our bone deep heartache makes us the
vulnerable ones? And yet we put our
faith, love, and vulnerability out there.
And instead of exploiting us, good people, dare I say sainted people,
come to our aid. That sounds like
Christ-like behavior to me.
Secondly, it is undeniable that IVF and third party
reproduction does raise certain ethical quandaries. I have hundreds of sleepless nights and
whispered prayers under my belt as testimony to that. However, advancing technologies are improving
success rates and even eliminating the need to conceive more than will be placed
in the uterus. But even in the
commonplace case of excess embryos, intended parents have options regarding the
outcome of those embryos. When managed
properly under the guidance of a skilled embryologist, those embryos retain
their right to life at a success rate that is often on par with the pregnancy
rate of naturally conceived embryos. And
if a family does not desire to pursue further pregnancies, they often donate
them, completely free of any financial gain, to other infertile couples. Again, I assert that is good, Christ-honoring
behavior.
Lastly, an all too frequent argument that I have heard
from Christian advocates is that third party reproduction is selfish. The argument goes something like this: I am so sorry for your losses
[miscarriages], but maybe this is God’s plan for you. Don’t you think it is selfish to create more
children you were obviously not meant to have when there are so many
underprivileged children in the world needing to be adopted? (No, I am not exaggerating. Ask any infertile woman or couple; they’ve
heard it, more than once.) And in all
honesty, I can see the validity of that point.
But, if that is true, everyone
who conceives their own children, regardless of method or genetic connection,
is selfish. By this rationale, any
intended pregnancy while there are parentless children in the world displeases
God. By this rationale, the most selfish
people in America are the Duggars. They
obviously have the willingness, love, resources, and patience of five Jobs to
take on two baseball teams of children.
And not a one of them is adopted.
Yet interestingly enough, this family is on a Christian pedestal; they
are a beacon of Christian family values.
Why do Christian groups love them so much, but I am selfish for wanting
to nurture a child into existence from beginning to end, even when that means I
need to accept the helping hand of a stranger?
Of course there will always be examples of
mismanagement. Nearly any situation
lends itself to scrutiny and manipulative tactics; third party reproduction is
by no means an exception. And sadly, we
live in a society that likes to sensationalize the worst of examples,
especially emotionally charged ones, to be presented as norms. I don’t like irresponsible infertility
patients (Octo-mom ring a bell?) or unscrupulous infertility clinics
(Octo-mom’s infertility team) any more than anyone else. In fact, such deplorable examples make it
even harder for me to defend my choices and my family. But here’s the thing, as much as I judge
those examples, as much as I advocate for better, in the end there is only one
final judge from a Christian perspective.
And I stand firm on my personal choices.
I am willing to meet that final judge knowing in my heart that my
husband and I did take an ethical path, we did respect life in the utmost, we
did accept a loving human-to-human donation, and we bestowed that same degree
of love upon our children. Our children
are being raised with the Christian principles of altruism, love, gratitude,
and tolerance. Yep, I feel pretty
confident in saying they were created in God’s likeness with the assistance of
God’s children. Personally, I don’t
think that displeases Him.
-Kelley Wendel, RN, BSN, & most importantly,
MOM
Kelley Wendel is the author of Birds of a
Different Feather, a children’s book designed to instill aprideful sense of
self and celebrate family inclusion regardless of genetic history. Birds
of a Different Feather is endorsed and recommended by Parents Via Egg
Donation (PVED), Donor Offspring: Books for Children, Creating A Family, and
Adoption.com. To learn more about the author and the book,
visit: www.kelleywendel.tateauthor.com Follow me on Twitter and Facebook; links
available through the website.
