Who's Embryos Are They Really

I am bothered.  Over the past year I have spoken to patient after patient who has sought out my advice regarding their left over embryos.  The scenario is almost always the same:

The couple or single mom has sought out an egg donor.  They have created their family.  They have completed their family.  They have anywhere from two to 20 embryos left over.  Now that their children are here they cannot fathom discarding their embryos, destroying their embryos or donating them to science.  Ninety-nine percent of the patients would like to donate their embryos to another couple like them who have been trying to have a child via egg donation.

But often they cannot and their hands are tied.  Why?  Because when they originally selected their egg donor in their legal contract they agreed not to donate embryos to anyone else.  They agreed to use all of the embryos, keep them frozen, or donate them to science or destroy them – or in some cases get permission from the egg donor to donate those embryos, but again only with her permission.

This causes much angst and frustration for the recipient parents – and frankly it’s puzzling and concerning to me.  Which brings me to my question:

Who’s embryos are they – really?

 Is it really egg donation if the intended parents don’t have a say in what happens to their left over embryos?  Some in the industry feel that intended parents are buying eggs.  If that’s true and intended parents are buying “property” then is the property they are buying really theirs if they don’t have complete autonomy in regards to what happens to those eggs once they become embryos?

While I can appreciate an egg donors concern over where her genetics are going to be used this reinforces my feelings even more that all egg donors aside from taking an MMPI really need to have a meaningful and real conversation with a psychologist to talk about these very things.  And if an egg donor has issues with what happens to left over embryos than maybe egg donation isn’t the right fit for her.  And that is fine too – not everyone in the world is cut out to be an egg donor – you don’t find out until you begin the preliminary process.

Where am I going with all of this?  For starters be very clear and decided about what you want.  Regardless of how amazing your egg donor is the bottom line is-- if the legal contract comes back and states that the egg donor wants control over left over embryos (i.e. you are only allowed to dispense of them a specific way) and you are not okay with that then you need to really rethink some things, namely if this is the right egg donor for you.

Really at the end of the day regardless of how warm and fuzzy you all might be feeling about each other this is business transaction.  Money is going to be exchanged between two parties.  The compensation you pay your egg donor is for her time, her trouble, inconvenience, and regardless of how much we want to sugar coat things you are receiving eggs in exchange.  The moment those eggs are fertilized with sperm they become yours and no longer hers.  And I feel you should have the right to do whatever you want with those embryos and not have your hands tied and options limited because you agreed to allow your egg donor to have final say in what happens to your embryos.